tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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