Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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