Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
