Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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