In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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