I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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