Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
