the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
