You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
So many bounce houses so little time
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
