the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
