I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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