Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
