he puts the penis in happiness.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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