Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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