Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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