come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
