So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
