i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize
