Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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