there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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