Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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