I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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