Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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