i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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