Non-Jews are for practice
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
