some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
