I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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