Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
