I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Your penis caused this!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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