If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
