dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
