ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
