Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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