woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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