I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
