All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
