Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
