so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
