I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
