I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
