You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
