That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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