Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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