theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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