Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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