there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
