They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
