I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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