We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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