Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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