I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
