Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
