I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
