So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
