first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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