apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
