I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Sponge bath it is.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
