'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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