I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
