no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just had sex on a roof
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
