It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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