Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
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you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
she told me i tasted like america
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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