Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
