she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
