Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
