Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
