You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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